Volume 37: Rest in Bigger Picture

So I throw up my hands

And praise You again and again

'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah

Hallelujah

And I know it's not much

But I've nothing else fit for a King

Except for a heart singing hallelujah

Hallelujah

Oh come on, my soul

Oh, don't you get shy on me

Lift up your song

'Cause you've got a lion inside of those lungs

Get up and praise the Lord

Let me tell you, hearing 700 college kids belt out these lyrics together, half way through their staff orientation, was a really beautiful moment. You could simply hear their heart behind these words. A group of summer staff who have devoted their summer to being at camp to serve kids, even though they could have chosen to do hundreds of other things with their summer. 

There I stood, listening to their praise and realizing how badly I needed those lyrics. "I know it's not much, but i've got nothing else fit for a King except for a heart singing hallelujah."

In this past week, I have had veryyyyyy little to give. Despite my best efforts of pushing through and changing my mindset and prayer, my human flesh will always fail me... 

On Wednesday, I hit a low - I had just about nothing left to give. So little that I had to literally leave camp because I couldn't interact with a human without crying... I'm not someone who gives up. But I had reached such a weakness and it alarmed me. Even now, looking back, I can't pin point the exact reason or root of the problem - just a build of up exhaustion and trying to please everyone's needs. 

And then on Thursday, we read about Jesus praying in Gethsemane. And I thought to myself... "of course this is the year that I chose the word BECOME in attempts to become more like Jesus every day..." Because what an example Jesus sets in this moment! In his weakest moment, He kept His eyes locked on His father and fully submitted to His plan. 

"He began to be sorrowful and troubled. The he said to them, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch with me.' And going a littler further, he fell on his face and prayed, saying 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass form me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will'"... 

"Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed "Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done." 

Hear me out, I realize that being unjustly crucified is much more extreme than being tired due to your job... However, in a moment where if it were up to my human flesh alone, I would run from the hard, I am challenged by Jesus's complete submission, trust and obedience to His Father's plan for Him and us. 

There are times I question God's plan for my current stage of life. I hear lies of doubt and regret and fear. 

But may I find rest in the fact that He is always working for my good. There is always a bigger picture that He is continuously weaving together. 

In the garden, Jesus probably didn't even know the full extent of the bigger picture of his death. That we would be saved for eternity and get to spend a life with Him because of His selfless sacrifice.

For me, each challenge and joy and teaching moment are all coming together to build my character and help me become more like Jesus. 

Yesterday was May 28, 2023. 

A date we had been awaiting for since August 2022. 

Opening day of the summer! First day of 1,200 kids coming through the gates of Camp Ozark!

On opening day, I begin my duties in the satellite lot, assisting with the check in of 700 kids that come by car. It's a wild operation.... filing cars through the lot, checking in each kid, and doing every small thing with excellence. When we are out there in the sat lot, we are all so focused on what we are doing there. This piece of check is impressive enough. 

But then, I report to my second assigned duty - driving the church van to shuttle the parents to their cars. As I turn right out of the sat lot and join the line of cars that are turning into camp, I am reminded of EVERYTHING else that is occurring on Opening Day. 

That it is so much bigger than just the check in at the sat lot....

I pull through the main gate and see Caroline flagging and two junior staff standing there with smiles and waving to each car. 

Then I make it up to the BOP, where there's a photographer taking a picture of every car that passes. 

And then more people moving luggage and smiling.

I keep driving and every time I come around the corner past the putt putt course, I look in awe of how beautiful and breath taking the view of the waterfront and ropes course is. 

There's flags all along the rail, making it an even more exciting entrance. 

Lifeguards putting lifejackets on each and every kid to see what size they need to ensure their safety. 

And we still aren't even to the best part! 

As you approach the cabin square hill, you see a crowd of staff in uniforms, jumping and cheering each car as they pass. 

Once you make it up the hill, a team hurries to the car, greets the parents and moves all the luggage for them! 

And then the true heros... the valet drivers running back up the hill after just parking the car for the parent in the staff lot.

I drop my shuttle full of parents off and overhear them saying to one another "this place is so impressive." "Such a well oiled machine." "This is an organized operation!"

From start to finish, the opening day process is excellent. 

Yet each area can fall into the trap of only focusing on their one specific piece of the day. In starting that morning at the sat lot, that's all I was focused on. 

Until, I had the big picture perspective and was able to see how clearly it all fits together. 

It's a stretch of an analogy, but I found rest in this yesterday. That even when we can't see it, God is working in so many ways. And each part is just as important as the other. 

So may I ENDURE the current hard for what's to come. For the bigger picture that is being weaved together right now!!