Volume 23: Rest in Speaking Up

On Thursday, I had the honor of attempting to put my love and gratitude for Nana into words and share as an eulogy. Her service was beautiful and was packed, which says a lot about a 94 year old! 

On the Sunday that Nana passed away, Pastor Eric reminded us in the sermon about the importance to spend time now "building eulogy virtues, not resume virtues." That when someone dies, we don't talk about their physical appearance or resume, but we speak of the times they showed up or encouraged you when you needed a friend, etc. 

And as I sat down to write about the life that Nana lived, I became more and more thankful, as I realized she had lived her 94 years so fully and with purpose. 

This was now the fourth eulogy that I have given at a funeral. Even though they are emotionally hard to write and sad to speak in that kind of environment, they continue to remind me how important it is to love the people around me well. After speaking at my friend's funeral, I set out to live a life of "speaking up" - to not wait until birthdays or funerals to tell people when I am thankful for them. I learned that life is fragile and there's no need to hold back.

Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety wears down a heart, but a kind word cheers it up" 

I have notcied that the more I encourage, the more grateful I become. It's a continual cycle. 

May we be bold in loving the people around us! That God has placed in our life for a reason. Yet,  recognizing that our ultimate source of encouragement comes from being a beloved daughter of Christ!

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Back in 2019, I was with Nana on her 91st birthday and asked her some birthday questions that my friends and I ask each other every year. The question was “What are you most looking forward to about the year ahead?” She immediately answered, in typical Nana sass, “the end.”

Well, she outlasted that year, and while she may have been ready for the end, I hope she knew that we would all miss her dearly. 

Nana “Delaware” was a wonderful grandmother. Growing up in Macon, GA, many of my friends had the stereotypical southern sweet and gentle grandparents. Well, I think we can all agree that Nana may not have been considered the most sweet and gentle… But, she was extremely loyal, devoted to her family, and committed to serving the people around her. Never once have I questioned her love for me.

I know Nana wished that we all lived closer to her, but I will always treasure the visits to see her and many phone calls. As I look back on my phone calls with Nana, they make me smile. They typically always followed the same pattern…

First off, after many years of being corrected for talking too fast and too loud, I finally learned to slow down and speak clearly. Once that was taken care of, we began to have more pleasant conversations. 

For someone who lost her taste buds, I sure did hear a lot about the food that she was eating… But more exciting than complaints about grilled cheeses, she was always the source of any family news. She spread news quickly amongst the family. But that’s because she was proud of her family and always put us first. She was thrilled when Jessie first made her a great-grandmother. She loved having Michael and Jamie nearby and seeing their dogs. She traveled down to Georgia to watch Madison get married. Even though my Dad’s dog, Sadie, quickly became the favorite grandchild, we all loved Nana so much and are thankful for her constant support and the way she cared for us. 

Once we got through the family updates, she then moved on to one of her favorite topics: what “crazy” activity was my Dad onto next? Motorcycle? Getting a dog? Writing another book? She was always quick to state her opinion that he was losing his mind… Until she realized that the motorcycle, dog and book would actually give him more reasons to come up to Wilmington. I admire my Dad’s willingness to drive 13 hours to see his Mom so often. Yet, it is a quality that Nana instilled in him: showing up. Nana’s toughness and strength make so much sense when you think about how she raised 3 sons. How proud she was and should be of them! They are all three living successful lives and they are all great fathers (and Uncles), leading and providing for their families. 

Every once in a while, Nana would randomly start laughing when we were on the phone. She would go on to explain that one of the workers at Sunrise was dancing in her doorway. I loved Nana’s sense of humor. So much of our time together was spent laughing about something. But I also loved how quick she was to befriend the people around her. She was someone that was willing to serve and help, but never needing recognition - the kind of person every community needs! She would walk into a room and everyone knew her but she didn’t desire the attention. People were drawn to her consistency and honesty. 

On one phone call, Nana was talking about how things keep changing in this world and I nagged her “Yes, but what is the one thing that remains constant?” She replied, “you get hungry.” Truth be told, I was more looking for “Jesus...” And while she may not have caught on to what I was getting at in that silly question, I am thankful because her faith was at the center of her life. She loved this church and spent a lot of time here, generously serving but also personally growing and receiving. 

A couple of years ago, I attended a service here with her, and after the service, I asked her what this church meant to her. She expressed a lot of gratitude, and then spoke on one specific memory. In one of the hardest times of her life, when her husband, Dick died, she was grieving and hurting. She didn’t want all the attention, but she decided to come to church and stayed towards the back. She shared that she felt the Lord’s presence like never before and it gave her peace. Her faith is what got her through that hardship… 

And faith is what can help us get through this now. Even though 94 years is a long, well lived life, it is still sad to not have Nana here on earth with us. But we rejoice in knowing that she is no longer suffering and is now with her Lord and Savior. 

I am forever honored to be deemed “Mor-Trudy.”